The purpose of this post is to wish happpy birthday to the best friend I could have ever asked for.

Hey, I just realized. Superman is bipartisan. Not sure whether this concept was kept in mind at its inception though. 

Its confusing how intricately involved all strands of life can be. It’s a whole web of circumstances; which when put together, define all possibilities and given occurrences. Like an impossibly complex riddle, beyond the capacity of any mortal. It’s as if every single individual or entity in this world is one variable, independent while being intricately involved with the dynamics of this system. We are all constantly subject to the restrictions of time, space and circumstance; all trying to define our own destinies and pathways. Striving to counter the limitations of our existence and almost always recognizing the impossibility of our efforts. But this struggle defines our role, our place in this universal riddle. Realizing the futility of this struggle is also a realization we are meant to have; in a way to balance ourselves between being fatalistic or assuming full control. It’s a system designed to capture our fantasies and realities, bounding and restricting them to its own defined dogmas. 

So it all comes down to this. All the toil; the research done to strengthen my application; the hours spent on GRE preparation; the whole drama of that unfolded before my TOEFL exam; spending hours in preparing applications and refining personal statements. The outcome of all this would be decided over a 5 minute interview. And all this would account to more or less nothing if I am not able to be convincing in the space of those 5 minutes. I wonder how I feel, or rather should be feeling about the whole scenario. Maybe I should prepare; form countless arguments and counter arguments in my head that may cover any given scenario. But maybe that would be wrong. I do not know where it would get me, but I hope to be honest above all else. I have done all the preparation I need. I have worked a whole year in the preparation for this. And now, it’s only the final sprint……which in my opinion should be instinctive. I leave it to God’s designs….. 

The air has started getting cooler now. It has become much more forgiving in its nature; much more open. You can almost feel the anticipation of winter. Sort of like a slight calmness in the general outlook of things; a sort of sluggishness which can only be associated with extreme summer or the eve of winter. As for me; I cant wait to live again in the silent nights, strolling and dreaming while being curiously aware of every sound within a block’s distance. 

So……another night gone by. After tossing restlessly for hours I decided to call it quits and forego the whole idea of sleeping. Haven’t had to deal with insomnia for a while now. And I have a gut feeling that its back to plague my nights again.
After two and a half hours of watching US open live scores, for the evasive chance of cheering for my country in tennis; sneaking downstairs for watching US open hoping that they would be showing Aisam’s match; finding out that they arnt and shifting between the rest of the matches and ‘Tehzeeb’; getting tired of the television and resorting to my room……………..; I am finally back ranting the night away on a medium that probably no one chooses to read. But who cares about all that. Writing all this down helps me put my thoughts together. And I still don’t see any sleep coming tonight.

I wonder today:

• About what God thinks of me; knowing that nothing of mine is hidden to Him.
• About how many people think good of me and how many think nothing but ill; and to how many more am I not important enough to matter.
• About what the next year holds for me; and whether I will get out of it what I have yearned for.
• About how many times I have deceived myself; while justifying things by my self contained logic and moral system.
• About whether I have become a slave of an image I have in my mind or have really remained true to myself.
• About how difficult I can be.
• About whether I will remain an idealist ten years from now and still follow my dreams.

I think of all these things and many more on this regular summer night.