Last few days have been remarkable in my city. With strong winds blowing almost all through the day; we have been having a rare lapse from the usual hot and humid air. I have grown to love this city for this and how fast and drastically it can change. Even after knowing and loving it for 12 long years, it can still surprise on its given day.
It has been one of the more serene nights I have had of late. Marked with drifting silences and occasional flashes of thunder; the breeze blowing incessantly……..rustling through everything and stuffing dust into the smallest crannies; its been a night close to the bare originality of things without any adulteration.
While most would find a thunderstorm thoroughly intimidating; it has brought me feelings of awe, wonderment and mirth for as long as I can remember. I have found myself oddly reflective, perceptive and closer to my faith on such occasions; have felt my emotions shift with the weather; being as fickle as the winds of my city and likewise, always full of pleasant surprises.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
He wishes for the cloths of heaven
It is interesting what a movie like "equilibrium" can give you. Came across these words for the first time years ago. Even now, they strike me as ever.
HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet.
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)"He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"
My dreams mean a lot to me. Much more than what wealth and riches this world has to offer. In that sense, these words seem almost paradoxical. For how could you surrender your dreams to any individual? If love has such a force, then it is love which forces one to dream out of hope; making an individual a part of your dreams and fantasies. But, I may be misinterpreting these words. For, you can only surrender your dreams to a person who is an exact personification of them.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Shades and Shadows
Shadows flow in an incessant cycle
Making their mark on swallowed streams
Of life, of fate and all that trifle
Such entwined are our shadows and dreams
Shadows of past, of fears and fate
As the darkest night at its grimmest hour
Lighted worlds of fantasies and faith
As the silver sunshine at its brightest hour
Such is life in all its hours
Sunshine and noxes, shades and shadows
While truth is obscured in uncertain hours
We yearn to perceive its hides and halos
For such is life in all its hours
Variegated streams of shades and shadows
Making their mark on swallowed streams
Of life, of fate and all that trifle
Such entwined are our shadows and dreams
Shadows of past, of fears and fate
As the darkest night at its grimmest hour
Lighted worlds of fantasies and faith
As the silver sunshine at its brightest hour
Such is life in all its hours
Sunshine and noxes, shades and shadows
While truth is obscured in uncertain hours
We yearn to perceive its hides and halos
For such is life in all its hours
Variegated streams of shades and shadows
My Shelter
Its May 11th…..day which has been officially dedicated to celebrating motherhood. So it is only justified that I start on this particular note.
My relationship with my mom has been unusual in some respects and similar in many others. Being the only daughter with 4 sibling brothers; she had always wanted a daughter. A yearning that I am assuming she must have had since long. However, that is something that still remains a longing to this day. Being the youngest son, I can imagine how greatly she would have wanted a daughter when I was born. And I would not hide the fact that she did have some degree of disappointment. She had always wanted a female companion…….but for some reason, God had separate designs.
I remember being taught by my mom in my early years. A routine which continued till I was in grade three. And right from those early years, she has been the only person I am comfortable complaining to. I don’t have to wear my mask when I am around her; for I always knew that it would be of no good. Even though, I may not confide in her all the time, or share with her every single aspect of my life, its almost scary how she has always been able to understand and predict me on a consistent basis. I guess the only thing I can attribute this understanding to is that I was once a part of her. So understanding me would mostly be like understanding herself.
I don’t have to talk to her when I am weak or distressed. All I have to do is lie on her lap or sit with her for a while. And, even though she knows that something is bothering me, she would mostly not question and pester me on such occasions. Over time, she has learnt to respect the fact that I often need to resolve things on my own and that has been the reason for the comfort level I have with her. One that I do not share with anyone else in my family.
With time I have also learnt to compensate for a daughter in some ways. Over years, I have substituted for various activities such as oiling and combing her hair, massaging her head etc………..activities that would normally be associated to daughters. So, no matter how this relationship started……..I can safely say that she loves me most amongst all my siblings. Although she would never agree to that………I know that as a fact.
At present, I can almost speak to her on equal terms. We would discuss all kinds of matters…….as if I were talking to sibling or a friend. She has always been very easy to reason with and this aspect also contributes to her indispensable position in my life. A shelter……solace…….and an untainted image of all I would use to define and exemplify a mother……….that is what my mother has been to me. I may never speak all these words to her……but that is only because I don’t have to. Words can never do justice to the place she has in my life.
My relationship with my mom has been unusual in some respects and similar in many others. Being the only daughter with 4 sibling brothers; she had always wanted a daughter. A yearning that I am assuming she must have had since long. However, that is something that still remains a longing to this day. Being the youngest son, I can imagine how greatly she would have wanted a daughter when I was born. And I would not hide the fact that she did have some degree of disappointment. She had always wanted a female companion…….but for some reason, God had separate designs.
I remember being taught by my mom in my early years. A routine which continued till I was in grade three. And right from those early years, she has been the only person I am comfortable complaining to. I don’t have to wear my mask when I am around her; for I always knew that it would be of no good. Even though, I may not confide in her all the time, or share with her every single aspect of my life, its almost scary how she has always been able to understand and predict me on a consistent basis. I guess the only thing I can attribute this understanding to is that I was once a part of her. So understanding me would mostly be like understanding herself.
I don’t have to talk to her when I am weak or distressed. All I have to do is lie on her lap or sit with her for a while. And, even though she knows that something is bothering me, she would mostly not question and pester me on such occasions. Over time, she has learnt to respect the fact that I often need to resolve things on my own and that has been the reason for the comfort level I have with her. One that I do not share with anyone else in my family.
With time I have also learnt to compensate for a daughter in some ways. Over years, I have substituted for various activities such as oiling and combing her hair, massaging her head etc………..activities that would normally be associated to daughters. So, no matter how this relationship started……..I can safely say that she loves me most amongst all my siblings. Although she would never agree to that………I know that as a fact.
At present, I can almost speak to her on equal terms. We would discuss all kinds of matters…….as if I were talking to sibling or a friend. She has always been very easy to reason with and this aspect also contributes to her indispensable position in my life. A shelter……solace…….and an untainted image of all I would use to define and exemplify a mother……….that is what my mother has been to me. I may never speak all these words to her……but that is only because I don’t have to. Words can never do justice to the place she has in my life.
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