My Shelter

Its May 11th…..day which has been officially dedicated to celebrating motherhood. So it is only justified that I start on this particular note.
My relationship with my mom has been unusual in some respects and similar in many others. Being the only daughter with 4 sibling brothers; she had always wanted a daughter. A yearning that I am assuming she must have had since long. However, that is something that still remains a longing to this day. Being the youngest son, I can imagine how greatly she would have wanted a daughter when I was born. And I would not hide the fact that she did have some degree of disappointment. She had always wanted a female companion…….but for some reason, God had separate designs.
I remember being taught by my mom in my early years. A routine which continued till I was in grade three. And right from those early years, she has been the only person I am comfortable complaining to. I don’t have to wear my mask when I am around her; for I always knew that it would be of no good. Even though, I may not confide in her all the time, or share with her every single aspect of my life, its almost scary how she has always been able to understand and predict me on a consistent basis. I guess the only thing I can attribute this understanding to is that I was once a part of her. So understanding me would mostly be like understanding herself.
I don’t have to talk to her when I am weak or distressed. All I have to do is lie on her lap or sit with her for a while. And, even though she knows that something is bothering me, she would mostly not question and pester me on such occasions. Over time, she has learnt to respect the fact that I often need to resolve things on my own and that has been the reason for the comfort level I have with her. One that I do not share with anyone else in my family.
With time I have also learnt to compensate for a daughter in some ways. Over years, I have substituted for various activities such as oiling and combing her hair, massaging her head etc………..activities that would normally be associated to daughters. So, no matter how this relationship started……..I can safely say that she loves me most amongst all my siblings. Although she would never agree to that………I know that as a fact.
At present, I can almost speak to her on equal terms. We would discuss all kinds of matters…….as if I were talking to sibling or a friend. She has always been very easy to reason with and this aspect also contributes to her indispensable position in my life. A shelter……solace…….and an untainted image of all I would use to define and exemplify a mother……….that is what my mother has been to me. I may never speak all these words to her……but that is only because I don’t have to. Words can never do justice to the place she has in my life.